pissed off

damn it damn it damn it. I apologize profusely to anyone who happens upon this entry. i am pissed off beyond belief. at work myself and the other postdoc who works with were giving each other a hard time, and i splashed him (barely enough to fill a thimble) with some stuff (nothing hazardous) and he gets completely pissed off at me. (obviously forgetting he has done the exact same thing to me before). why am i pissed off? because i care about what he thinks, at first i wasnt pissed, i felt terrible, because i honestly didnt think anything would come out. and i got worried and upset because he was pissed at me. DAMN IT it is just like highschool and college, worrying about what others think of me and trying to not have anyone mad at me. fuck this pisses me off. if there is one thing i absolutely hate about myself it is that. fuck fuck fuck. always fucking concerned about someone else's feelings. there are days i would just like to tell everyone what i thought without a care as to whether they "liked" me or whether it would upset them. on top of this, NOTHING IF FUCKING WORKING with my research, fuck i so should have moved to florida. why the hell did i take this fucking position. i just want to say fuck em and i cant damn it. okay i have to leave now. hey L if you read this give me a call sometime k. i miss ya.

  • Current Music
    orgy-punk statik paronia



Its official.... I am a Dr. lol. i just defended my thesis on thursday. very scary, but my seminar went good. there are mostly minor corrections to the actual thesis. which is good. anyway, just had to finally put it in this thing. I have to say I am very happy and relieved.
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    duran duran - reach up for the sunrise



well i have recovered from a stomach flu....blech... two whole days... i at least turned in my thesis (1st rev) to my committee on thurs. My actual defense is this thurs dec. 9. I am now getting nervous. i have to practice my talk this week. probably will not write in this until after.

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    laruku: heaven's drive

new icon

i finally can make a basic icon lol. i know, i know i am sure its very easy for everyone but as all my brains are currently in thesis mode this was a bit much lol. anyway, basically just had to post to see the new icon. lol
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    gackt-vanilla (night version)


Hello, well i am partially irritated. I am sick of one of the post-docs in my lab. damnit he pisses me off. i soooo wish he would get a job. and i am trying to help someone do calculations i havent done in almost 2 years so it takes me a bit to remember all the numbers, and the person i am helping seems frustrated and she is going to ask this post-doc which reallllyyy pisses me off. but stupid i know. anyway onto better things. i just wrote my acknowledgements for my diss so i had to thank a good friend of mine from California along with my boss family etc... you know who you are lol. laters
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    afi-the leaving song ptII

still writing


still havent gotten more chapters from my boss. i have less than a month to finsih my thesis. argh. anyway, just thought i would update and rant a bit. lol. I am starting to get nervous and stressed about giving my talk. but then i just want it to be over!. well i better get back to writing.
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    laruku-spirit dreams inside

(no subject)

finally. even though i have to go in tomorrow and sunday. but at least my boss gave me back part of my chapter. i did get to watch my gackt dvd. amazing. loved it. now i just have to get the placebo one, but it doesnt come out here (at least according to amazon) until the end of november. anyway. i better go.
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Well i am writing the discussion of my last chapter for my thesis and I am completely stuck.. arghhh. anyway, maybe i should just play some music and stop for a minute. have to get me some more icons. lol.
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    gackt- vanilla

finally back


I am finally back to this thing. to be honest i had completely forgotten about it. but now i'm back. i am in the process of writing my dissertation in plant biology. fun huh? very stressed.
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    hyde-cape of storms

really long time update

well, this thing hasnt been working for awhile and i forgot about it. so its taken me forever to update this thing. ill get right to the point. have you ever wanted to tell a friend something so bad, but are scared that they will freak. well thats how i feel right now. so thats what this is all about. anyway i better go now.
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